It’s 2016, and as I’m thinking about the excitement of Care Net and witnessing the amazingness that happens when a group of like-minded people get together for a kingdom’s mission, my heart suddenly feels heavy. What can I do to help a culture that believes abortion is okay? Will love and non-judgement work? What if I’m not enough? Spiritual warfare begins to take over and my mind goes back to my own story – a story I can tell. I become confident God will do the rest. I will be blogging about this awesome life that only God could have orchestrated for me. The good, the bad and the indifferent will come out with the goal of truth at all cost and peace if possible.
I was born on a small island north of Australia and south of Guam called Pelelieu – an island in the Republic of Palau. The island’s matriarchal culture instilled massive feelings of responsibility for not only myself but those around me. Little girls were held on pedestals and given favor from their families as they held the hopes and dreams for their respective tribes, their island and eventually the country’s future. There were the rich and the poor – no middle class. I came from a humble family. We were considered poor, but my Grandmother held her head high as she dug sweet potatoes and taro with her hands, went crabbing at night and fished to feed her children. One by one she mustered up enough money to send her 8 children to school beyond the fifth grade. She herself did not have an education, though understood the opportunities her children would be given through knowledge.
I don’t have any recollection of a care-free childhood. The movies where a little girl twirls in her pretty dress in a meadow was foreign to me. As long as I can remember I had chores. My movie had me in the nearly-turquoise water with my toes dug deep in the sand with a cool breeze through my tangled hair. It’s not as pretty, but it was a raw kind of peacefulness that I have never felt since then. When your toes are dug deep in the sand you feel grounded, though you have the freedom to move and wiggle. It’s a safe zone for you to make value based decisions.
So many things happened during my childhood that influenced my decisions then and continually shapes them today. At age eighteen with an unplanned pregnancy and a shame that was deep in my soul I learned what God’s whisper sounded like. I drowned his whispers with my silent cries that sounded like a wounded animal in my head. Sitting in Planned Parenthood wanting re-assurance of the decision I had made, but instead hearing whispers of encouragement to be fierce and brave because He was with me. I tend to be vague in this part of my story because I attempted to justify my decision with the pain I was feeling. It was either my life or this unborn child. And He whispers – “Your life has just begun.”
There was a moment in time where I felt the need to take responsibility and control around me. Once I let go of the control I was able to see God’s plan for me and although I was responsible for my actions, I knew God would take care of the rest. I recently realized that my purpose is not to change anyone’s mind, God will do that. My purpose is to use my passion to devour the knowledge that gets the message to a girl who is trying to drown the whispers with her cries and her acceptance of a win-lose situation.
My life did begin that day. I chose life. I was fierce, I was brave and though I may not be enough, my God is enough. Through Choose Life Marketing and the Right Brain research with the Vitae Foundation, I will use my story and my talent to reach girls who, today, find themselves in a similar situation with their toes dug deep in the sand.
One response to “Toes Dug Deep in the Sand”
Love the raw vulnerability of this post!